The past and the present

I had the opportunity to spend time with my extended family lately.  It had me thinking.  I see my little nieces and nephews, now parents themselves and I wonder; I wonder about time, about life and about how people move on despite it all.

Along with these family gathering, I'm also introducing my Mr Right in my very big, very energetic family.  Mr Right is a very shy and reserved man.  Although with experience he has grown to compensate and to work around his shyness, I can still pick up on a sense of nervousness on his part when meeting new people.  He comes from a small, quiet and reserved family. 

The merging of two different cultures are interesting in many ways.  However, adapting in order to achieve comfort is not always easy and not always obvious.

Mr Right and I are adapting very well with ourselves and with my son that is still very much a part of my life.  We are both learning to let go of a past that we weren't even aware existed; or at the very least weren't aware of its' influence on each of us.

It is not easy letting go of preconceived ideas.  It is especially not easy to 'forget' or to let go of the past experiences that we both lived.  No, we don't have to forget them but we need to categorize them under the life experience file (aka the E file - please see my other blog alifelongpartner.blogspot.ca) in order to allow ourselves to move on.

You know, family always puts things into perspective for me.  I see the little ones building their own ties with extended family, their own experiences and their own joys and heart breaks.  I see my not so little son, nephews and nieces growing up, learning, developing and trying to make a life for themselves in their own way.  It has me thinking how we are reacting as middle age adults and then it has me contemplating the reactions of the elderly around us.

I know, I know, I'm all over the map with this entry.  The past, the present, our cultures, our future, family, young, middle, old, moving on or staying put.....  I'm scattered and I know it.

I think I'm thinking too much (imagine that) and I know that I shouldn't be thinking (let alone too much) when I'm hormonal (see my entry 'Paused Mental Stability' in my other blog mentioned above).

That being said though, there is nothing wrong with writing. 

I'm pensive at the moment.  Being in a relationship, a relationship that developed into a very serious one very quickly has thrown me for a loop at times I admit it. 

Just to be clear, I'm NOT regretting one minute of it and I do NOT miss my single life. 

I was sitting alone this Sunday morning enjoying my coffee.  It was nice to sit and not have to worry about going anywhere quickly.  I was alone and I did think for a split second of how lonely it would be as I got older to be alone like this all the time. 

I am thankful for all that I have.  I am surrounded by family, by an amazing loving, supporting and wonderful family, that would do anything for me.  I have a teenage son that is a dream for all mothers.  He is smart, loving, caring, tender, sensitive, polite, strong and very wise for his young years.  In my mother's heart, he is the love of my life. 

I also have a man in my life.  My Mr Right.  Mr Right is not perfect and nor am I...not by a long shot.  Mr Right and I love one another.  We are trying to accommodate everyone in our lives and to include the other's family, culture and ways.  We are trying to please each other through support, love and quiet hugs.  Mr Right and I are learning that we will never be able to please everyone all the time.  We are learning not to take things personally but to try and be the best that we can for ourselves and for each other.  We are learning to compromise, to allow unconditional love into our hearts and to let go of the past.  It is not an easy lesson but we are doing great, one day at a time.

To feel the intensity of a man's love is overwhelming at times.  Love can make you overlook many things (thus the proverb 'love is blind') but let me assure you, that to accept the love is a choice.  I choose to accept his love for me.  Loving him back is less of a choice and more of a fact.  I truly don't think that you can 'choose' to love someone, you just do....

It's easier to love than to be loved though.... but both are oh so worthwhile when you learn to move on together, into the present, letting go of the past and anticipating the future....together....

The past has shown me that I can be patient, that I know what I want and deserve and that I do not settle for anything else than what I deserve.  That being said, I know that no one is perfect and that I will obviously never find someone perfect, however, perfect for me, like my Mr Right, is simply....perfect!

Presently, I, the middle aged woman is adapting to the changes in her life.  Just like my younger nephews and nieces that are adapting to being parents and just like my great nephew and nieces that are learning and experiencing new adventures, they are also all adapting.

I cannot predict the future, but I suspect that more adaptations will be necessary.  The human being is always adapting to something it seems.  Whether is be physical, emotional, spiritual, professional, environmental, mental etc..... there is always adaptation of the past and of the present in order to hopefully have a better, more complete and happier future....

Signed pensively yours,

SSW :)