Listening to the silence

I heard a commentary this week on the radio.  It was about how two major cities in Canada (Montreal and Toronto) are going to be spending millions and millions of dollars (50 millions in fact) in order to wire their subway system to the internet.  Soon, underground travelers will be able to access their phones, email messages, social media etc... from under the ground.

Pretty mind boggling when you think of it.  Millions of dollars being spent.....  on that.....

I know that money speaks in the business world.  I know that the internet is important and that it is not going away.

I'm the first to admit that I can't really remember what I did before the internet was alive.  In fact, Mr Right often comments that I should leave my blackberry behind once in awhile; that I should really just put the computer away and not bother with it for a few days.... (yes, a few days....YIKES)!

For the phone comment, I always reply that it is a safety net for me and my son.  I feel better being available at all times to my still minor son.  When he becomes an adult and is on his own well then I can see myself letting go of the phone.....  I think.... *sigh*.

Mr Right's comment last night was 'then why do you need a blackberry, just get a cheaper plan for texts only'.  How dare him talk about my blackberry like that!  lol.

Thing is, what he doesn't know is that when I first got into the world of cell phones, I had fun with them.  I spent a lot of times figuring them out and now, I'm known for being pretty techy (and perhaps a bit nerdy).  I'm able and be able to figure out lots of techy stuff on the computer or the phones. 

I've often caught myself in the past, when I was dating (see my other blog: http://alifelongpartner.blogspot.ca/ ) saying 'I prefer my relationship with my blackberry than the ones I'm having with the dates I'm going on.  I know that it's a pretty sad statement but hey....the phone was there for me when I was bored at home (and sometimes bored on a date......I made it ring to leave the date a few times).  Anyways, that's another story....

All that to say that I love the internet, the tech world and that I'm entertained by it.  However, I'm not so sure that spending 50 million dollars on a wifi upgrade in subway stations should be a priority. 

You see, Mr Right is teaching me in his own way to live in the moment and to not rely on technology so much.  I'm not sure if Mr Right even realizes that he is teaching me this.....but he is.  He has no cell phones (and I like it like that).  He has an ipod and he does have a computer but he's not too vocal in social medias and he doesn't express himself often through emails.  He uses the phone or face to face.  I love this about him.

On the other hand, if something goes wrong in his technological world, his girlfriend can get him out of it....HA!

One thing for sure, there is definitely something to be said about being alone with your thoughts.  Having no internet access, no phone and no technological distractions is not all that bad.  It's a bit weird at first for those of us who use it regularly but I strongly suspect that it would not be so bad to disconnect and to stay disconnected for a certain period of time. 

I can't imagine that being connected for your subway ride will make that much of a difference for most people.  Fifty million dollars??  C'mon now!

I fear that people are losing the ability to be by themselves, alone with their thoughts.  It's a sad loss.....

I'm not saying I want to ban wifi and the internet, I'm saying we need to find a better balance with it.  Me included.

It's going to come for me and I will find that balance.  I hope more people realizes the importance of listening to their thoughts and yes, to listening to the silence around them at times.  It's really not all that bad.....

Signed yours truly, still connected but trying to break the ties.....

SSW :)

I can feel you

I have this gift....ok, sometimes I see it as a bit less than a gift....  What is it you ask?  It's pretty simple....for me anyways it's simple.  I don't know if it's due to my education, my work, my nature or just the way I was raised, but I have this 'thing' about me. 

I can sense other people's emotions....I can also sense the 'mood' of a group or of a place.

Yes, this certainly helps me in my work...I work in the 'people' field.  It can help me in my relationships and it makes me be empathetic but at the same time, I can get exhausted from the emotions around me.

I know that this sounds strange.  I'm much better as I get older at not letting other's emotions affect me, but at times, it still does....

I remember being a little girl and getting feelings about people.  I now know as an adult that these feelings were my gut instinct talking to me.  I also realize that as young as the age of 5, that my instinct was always right about the emotions emanating from someone or from a place.

Today, I'm tuned in so much that when I walk into a building or a room, the emotions 'floating' around hits me like a brick wall.  In fact, I've walked through the front door of some places and have been stopped dead in my tracks by the 'kick in the gut' feeling of the bad emotions floating around in that building.

When I was going to university and sitting on the city bus, I was always seeking out the empty seats.  Not that I was antisocial but I knew that if I sat with someone that I was going to hear about their life stories.  If I did have a seat by myself and someone sat with me, I always got their life stories also....  I sometimes joked with friends that I had 'talk to me' written on my forehead.

I've had strangers, young and old stop me on the street when I'm exercising just to talk to me.  Oh I see them coming.  I know that they are sad, upset, happy, angry or whatever....I can feel it a mile away, as soon as I spot them.

This 'gift' is not the end of the world and I am used to it.  It's second nature to me and sometimes I have to remind myself that the others are not always in tuned with what is happening around them.  That fact sometimes surprises me.  What is obvious to me, is not so apparent to everyone.

Awhile back, I was out jogging.  I was approaching an elderly lady.  She was walking very slowly and was pulling her buggy with groceries behind her.  She stopped walking as she saw me and watched me run for awhile.  When I got close to her, seeing that she was still looking at me, I stopped and approached her and asked her how she was doing and if she needed help.  She proceeded to tell me her life story.  She just needed to talk it seemed.  I stayed with her talking for a good 15 minutes.  She refused my help to carry her groceries.   I had never seen her before nor have I ever seen her since.

This was a good meeting, it was not long after my mom had passed away and it felt good to be with someone that age.  I like the fact that people think that they can talk to me.  I still think of this elderly lady at times and wonder how she is doing.  Sometimes I wonder why people talk to me so much......  it's all good though.

So what does this 'gift' do for me?  It has definitely helped me get in tune with people.  It has also taught me over the years to always, always, always (and I do mean always) listen to my gut instinct.  This came in very handy when I was dating and meeting people on a dating site......

I truly think that everyone has that gut feeling but that many ignore it.  I like to call it a gut feeling, an instinct or even a little voice.  I think everyone has it and if we would all listen to it, I suspect we would all avoid some unpleasant situations.....

Signed yours truly, feeling it all......

SSW :)

Juicy arteries

I went for an ultra sound this week.  All is well and there is no need for concern.  The technician was very pleasant, very upbeat and very positive.  She told me that I have 'juicy arteries'.  I chuckled hard at that and I couldn't wait to tell Mr Right that my arteries were juicy....lol.

The comment had me thinking about health and especially about the abuse of our health.  As mentionned in my previous entry in my other blog ('U can't touch this' in my blog 'alifelongpartner'), I've been battling weight all of my life.

The body is so forgiving though.  The abuse that I put it through with being obese is now pretty much eliminated.  Hey, even my arteries are juicy!  :)

The fat level in my liver is very normal and very good and generally, I'm in good health now.  I'm very lucky indeed.

Unfortunately though, the body doesn't always regenerate itself fast enough, especially if you wait too long to take action for your health.  For example, the smoker's lungs, along with the wheezing and cough will not always clear up and will sometimes in fact develop into worse diseases.

The alcoolic's liver goes through the same thing.  If not caught on time, cirrhosis develops at a fast pace.  Yes, the liver can regenerate but it won't if the alcoholic doesn't stop drinking.

The same can be said for a sedentary life.  How long will the body forgive a complete lack of exercise?

Yes, the body can sometimes forgive especially if caught on time and if we are lucky.  Of course genetics plays a big role and so does the mind.....  Mind over matter perhaps?  The will power to stop drinking, to stop smoking and to exercise more.  Will power to control the food intake.....

This lovely technician that did my ultra sound referenced to me as being a tiny woman.  As you can all imagine, I surprisingly looked over my shoulder because I wasn't sure who she was talking to.  Apparently she was talking to me. 

The mind is a funny thing.  I cannot for the life of me wrap my head around the fact that I am smaller.  In fact, I always think that the sizing on the new clothes that I'm buying is wrong.  I still don't recognize myself in the mirror at times and I still laugh out loud when someone tells me that I must weigh under 100 lbs (believe me, this is wrong).  Yes, the mind is strange at times.  My will power is great....but my perception is off.

Weirdly enough though, I still feel myself drawn to food despite the will power that I do have.  If I feel an emotion, whether it be happiness, sadness, excitement, stress, tiredness etc..., I think of food.  I now know that food is associated with an emotion for me so I usually control it.

Mr Right has been fabulous at helping me with that.  He is the opposite of me.  When he feels an intense emotion, he forgets to eat.  I always tell him that I have never forgotten to eat in my life....lol. 

Thankfully though, we are both there for each other.  I feed him on a regular basis and when I suddenly announce that I want food, he will simply look at me and smile...sometimes raise an eyebrow.  Just enough for me to realize that I cannot possibly be hungry, that I just finished dinner.....

I wish that it would always be so easy for anyone with an addiction.  That the will power always be stronger than an addition.  Wouldn't life be easier for everyone?  I know that levels of addictions are different for everyone. I also know that you need to WANT to be better at controlling things...but sometimes, that is not enough. 

I understand addictions.  I know that I have lots of will power and I know that I am stubborn and I especially know that I still struggle at times....  With my amount of will power (pure stubbornness really), I can only imagine that I am not alone in the constant battle of an addiction....

An addiction is not always easy to beat or to control but it is definitely so beneficial to your health once you do beat it....

You could even end up with juicy arteries ;)

Here's to willing will power to everyone that needs it!

Signed yours truly, in an apparently small body, stubborn mind and the holder of big juicy arteries....

SSW :)

Who are these people around me?

Here I am once again with a new blog.  Now that I have found Mr Right (please see my other blog http://www.alifelongpartner.blogspot.ca/ ), this Self-Sufficient Woman has decided to write about everyday stuff.

I love to write and I have found it to be quite helpful in my search for Mr Right.  Writing has proven to help me gather my thoughts and has also helped me relax and put things in perspective.

From my full time job to my part time job.  From my beautiful teenage son to my new wonderful Mr Right.  From my elderly neighbour to my rowdy ones a little bit further down the street.  From my new dog that came along with Mr Right to all of the other animals on the street that I do not have a choice but to now notice (as I walk the new one).  From my exercise routine (that is oh so off right now) to my eating habits that are definitely not as they were.  From the people I meet at my local grocery stores, to the ones I meet at my local Wal Mart, this blog is aimed at entertaining you with my thoughts and my adventures with everyone in my everyday life...wherever they are and whoever they are, let's see what impact they have on me.

I will try to write on a regular basis.  As you all know, juggling a professional and a personal life is not an easy task.  Even with Mr Right in my life, I still plan on remaining a SSW.  Oh, believe me, I would love to give the reins over to someone else but I'm not a woman that gives up control over her own life that easily.  Yes, my heart has been 'stolen'...well ok, maybe not stolen; I chose to give it away, but some parts of me need to remain in control. 

In writing this new blog, I have a personal goal to not lose myself in my own life.   I need to remain true to me, to my son and to my Mr Right.  I purposely put myself first in this list.  I need to remain the most important person in my life (I wrote an entry on this in my other blog).  My minor son, in my mother's heart, is my priority and my man, in my woman's heart is also my priority.  Quite the juggling act eh?  I can do it.  I know that I can.

Everyday, people are put in my path.  I love to observe and absorb what these people say to me and how they make me feel.  I want to put into words how the stranger that cut me off while talking on his phone and driving makes me feel and how he has influenced my day.  I want to tell you how the little child that smiled at me at my grocery store has also marked my day.

From the strangers, to my friends, to the most important two men in my life (my son and Mr Right), lets see how SSW survives and perceives the juggling act that is life. 

I hope that you will continue to read on.  I absolutely loved having readers from all over the world.  I hope that your comments will be forthcoming....

Signed yours truly, surrounded by all kinds....  ;)

SSW :)